her

A broken heart trying to be mended,
like the last act in a play can never be appended.

He was trying too hard to put on a mask of normality,
with the aim to maintain an aura of formality.

There she was, teasing away with a gentle wave,
only if she knew that was just enough to melt those knees brave.

How may he ever describe her to you,
in the fear that  you might never understand what his heart construed.

Once turned down, you think his heart would listen to that brain?
his heart was too full to even face her, will he have to wait for it to drain?

His faith was repeatedly tested,
as his mind was in her one glance arrested.

He did all the right things,
longed for her for far too many springs.

It was that one question he asked her,
ruined it all between them, turned that young man into a broken prisoner

Nevertheless, he always had that flailing flicker of hope,
that kept him going, to make his heart and mind cope.

Lessons

It’s dawned upon me that I have wasted my last year at college. Yeah, I’ve got great education at a premiere west-coast institute. but I’m talking about the time I invested in building relationships and inculcating them with trust.

In one small flicker of a candle flame I ruined it all.

My mistake, I don’t deny that. It’s just that it shocks me how people change in matter of seconds. I have been in uncomfortable situations with people, judged them maybe, but I’ve always given them a benefit of doubt, so that the next time I’m with them I’m always in a semi-open mind.

So this year, it so happened that one such incident completely changed my entire social dynamic. People would disagree, I look the same lame-lord on the outside, but the change and the awkwardness is palpable. It devastates me in parts; that people don’t care about what you are going through. It’s like they’re suddenly blinded to all what you’ve done for them in the past, all the amazing times you’ve had with them in the time-past. I feel like giving up, it’s all ultimately an act for which the curtains are going to fold any-day. The ‘mask of normality’ that I’m gripping on to with my dear life is slowly giving away.

I feel like whatever I do from now on is not going to make any difference, cause how much ever I try and hope, that one misnomer of a scar is not going to fade away. I’ve thought about making reprimands, trust me, I’ve tried my level best to leave subtle innuendos for them to understand; no use. People are too busy with their own lives to care about that one scarred individual; and why should they? They have a good thing going on, why ruin their bliss for someone who is now an alien *maybe even to himself*

I’ve been on the other side of this tale, and I’m not lying when I say, I was different. I did care, I was there to help that poor scarred soul’s revival to normalcy in the group, hell I still do that here. But it all goes unappreciated. See, I don’t want the appreciation, I’ve come to realize that it’s ‘three’ much to ask this of people; but I at-least expect an acknowledgement. Nope, not happening now, not now, not ever.

I know I have to move on, but it’s easier said than done. It’s not really easy to revamp your entire social structure which you have carefully invested in. I don’t think it’s even plausible at this point. That leaves me with two options, either to hold on to the dying hope that they would one day understand the plight of this broken man or on the other just learn to live in despair and wait till the next phase of my life begins.

I hate the latter,  but I guess I don’t have a choice. I’ve given up hope on the human tendency to understand. I’m finally finally broken.